I’ve always been a firm believer in therapy. And now I’ve taken it to another level — I’ve started working with a psychologist, someone with a doctorate-level education (Ph.D. or Psy.D.), and it’s opened up a whole new level of self-awareness for me.

I kind of always knew something was different about how I processed things. I was aware of it, but I guess I wasn’t ready to change. I just figured that’s how my brain was — that it was normal for me to shut down or retreat when things got overwhelming. But now I understand it’s actually rooted in how my brain was shaped by past experiences.

There’s a part of the brain called the frontal cortex — that’s where logical thinking, decision-making, and emotional regulation happen. That’s where I tend to operate most of the time. I’m very methodical, very matter-of-fact. And honestly, that can sometimes come across as cold or lacking empathy — but I do feel deeply. In fact, you can even hear it in your voice when certain parts of your brain take over — that shift from logical to emotional is real.

That brings me to something I’m just starting to learn more about: the amygdala — the brain’s alarm system. It’s a primitive structure responsible for processing fear, emotional memory, and survival instincts. It’s the part of the brain that says, “I need to get out of here.” That’s where my flight and isolation tendencies come from. It’s not weakness — it’s literally my brain trying to protect me.

Some people call it trauma, or PTSD. I’m not even diagnosed with that anymore. But I’ve learned that the emotional potholes — the moments of shutting down, pulling away, or overreacting — they don’t just go away by ignoring them. You have to acknowledge them, soothe them, and retrain your brain over time.

Learning about how the brain works — how it holds onto pain, how it tries to keep us safe has helped me realize that healing isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about learning to be softer with myself… and maybe with others too.

So if you ever feel like something’s missing, or like you keep repeating the same emotional patterns, just know — it might not be “just you.” It might be your brain doing what it was wired to do. But you’re allowed to outgrow survival mode. You’re allowed to heal.